So you have decided that the time has come.
The rest of the world seems to be engaged in taking photo’s of themselves. Uploading them to every social space available to bask in the adulation of comments and shares.
Welcome to the world of the selfie.
There are tons of tips to take a good selfie out there, but none of the advice seems to cover the more fundamental issue of why the hell you want to do it at all?
The thing is not everyone looks like this:
The rest of the world seems to be engaged in taking photo’s of themselves. Uploading them to every social space available to bask in the adulation of comments and shares.
Welcome to the world of the selfie.
There are tons of tips to take a good selfie out there, but none of the advice seems to cover the more fundamental issue of why the hell you want to do it at all?
The thing is not everyone looks like this:
She looks great, even standing in a crappy toilet. You won’t.
What we do is gloss over the hundreds of selfies we see online that simply stink and we focus on the few that show the beautiful people. Drawn in, we start to believe it’s possible to look good and give our self-confidence a boost by sharing a selfie with the world.
So to cut you down to size. Unless you have guys/girls (or both) crowding around you every time you grace a nightclub with your presence, then a selfie is probably not a great idea.
So why the hell do you still want to become one of the million selfie fails?
Is it vanity? Do you need to see good comments like “u r lush babes xxx” or “So do that”. What about if you get “I have a bin bag and an axe in my car”?
So is it a desire to take part, to be part of the in crowd?
Or are you just tragically lonely and bored?
What we do is gloss over the hundreds of selfies we see online that simply stink and we focus on the few that show the beautiful people. Drawn in, we start to believe it’s possible to look good and give our self-confidence a boost by sharing a selfie with the world.
So to cut you down to size. Unless you have guys/girls (or both) crowding around you every time you grace a nightclub with your presence, then a selfie is probably not a great idea.
So why the hell do you still want to become one of the million selfie fails?
Is it vanity? Do you need to see good comments like “u r lush babes xxx” or “So do that”. What about if you get “I have a bin bag and an axe in my car”?
So is it a desire to take part, to be part of the in crowd?
Or are you just tragically lonely and bored?
Whatever the reason, you have to ask what the results will be. If you get rated down on your chosen social hellhole, will you feel like jumping off a bridge?
Unless you are trying to collect stalkers, is your half naked shot a great idea? What about your mum and your kids seeing it?
Unless you are trying to collect stalkers, is your half naked shot a great idea? What about your mum and your kids seeing it?
Tips To Take A Good Selfie.
Right, have it your own way. You are obviously going to waste precious moments of your time on earth doing this, so lets give you some great selfie tips.
1. Take your time. Plan it and take a LOT of photo’s. You may find you actually cannot take enough photo’s to get a good one. This should tell you something.
2. Consider lighting. A sludgy selfie impresses nobody. Get out in the daylight, unless you are allergic to sunlight or an EMO. Darkness may be great for hiding your horror from the rest of the world, but it’s not great for photographs.
3. Find your best side. This means angling your head and body around in increasingly odd contortions in an attempt to find one single angle that does not make you look hideously deformed.
One sure-fire winner is the top-down angle. Hold the camera above your eye height and look up. It makes your facial outline look smoother and your eyes bigger. If you have big eyes, be careful with this otherwise you will just end up looking like you come from outer space.
4. Pout a bit but don’t go nuts. A bit of lip is good, especially on the ladies, but too much creates the duck-faced trout pout. Not good for anyone. Unless you are trying to appeal to a duck or a trout.
5. Use apps to try and eradicate the worst horrors. Once you have taken the selfie you least despise, you will need to rescue it. This means using an app to add filter effects to it.
Make your skin look less like that of a battlefield corpse by adding warmth. Up the contrast. Brighten it to burn away the blemishes on your face that have people staring at you in the street.
If all else fails, add stupid effects all over it, to distract people from the creature staring back at them.
We never claimed this piece was going to help you. If you want to take a good picture of yourself, get someone with camera skills to do it for you.
The alternative is sliding down into the abyss of taking more and more selfies in an attempt to find one that makes you look the way you think you do.
You may have a long wait. Good luck.
By Julius Choudhury
Right, have it your own way. You are obviously going to waste precious moments of your time on earth doing this, so lets give you some great selfie tips.
1. Take your time. Plan it and take a LOT of photo’s. You may find you actually cannot take enough photo’s to get a good one. This should tell you something.
2. Consider lighting. A sludgy selfie impresses nobody. Get out in the daylight, unless you are allergic to sunlight or an EMO. Darkness may be great for hiding your horror from the rest of the world, but it’s not great for photographs.
3. Find your best side. This means angling your head and body around in increasingly odd contortions in an attempt to find one single angle that does not make you look hideously deformed.
One sure-fire winner is the top-down angle. Hold the camera above your eye height and look up. It makes your facial outline look smoother and your eyes bigger. If you have big eyes, be careful with this otherwise you will just end up looking like you come from outer space.
4. Pout a bit but don’t go nuts. A bit of lip is good, especially on the ladies, but too much creates the duck-faced trout pout. Not good for anyone. Unless you are trying to appeal to a duck or a trout.
5. Use apps to try and eradicate the worst horrors. Once you have taken the selfie you least despise, you will need to rescue it. This means using an app to add filter effects to it.
Make your skin look less like that of a battlefield corpse by adding warmth. Up the contrast. Brighten it to burn away the blemishes on your face that have people staring at you in the street.
If all else fails, add stupid effects all over it, to distract people from the creature staring back at them.
We never claimed this piece was going to help you. If you want to take a good picture of yourself, get someone with camera skills to do it for you.
The alternative is sliding down into the abyss of taking more and more selfies in an attempt to find one that makes you look the way you think you do.
You may have a long wait. Good luck.
By Julius Choudhury
