3 Clever Tricks to Get Out the Door Without Yelling in the Morning

Nagging and raising your voice? Try this instead.

By Julie Wright and Heather Turgeon, Working Mother

Getting out the door in the morning efficiently—without nagging or yelling—has to be one of the most exasperating and perplexing parenting dilemmas. Unlike difficult moments that you can solve decisively (you empathize, but you turn off the TV show, change the diaper, gently strap your preschooler into her stroller, whether she likes it or not), getting out the door can be a frustrating and helpless experience.
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An interesting scientific fact is that little kids really don’t understand time until they’re close to 7 years old. So when we say, “We’re running out of time,” or “Hurry up or we’ll be late,” it literally means nothing to them, other than that Mom or Dad is getting pretty worked up. The concept of time is too abstract.



Many parents try to be patient, and then escalate to frustration and flat-out yelling. The day starts out on a tense, negative note. To shift this dynamic and send everyone to work and school on a positive note, we’ve learned to help our clients focus on three major ideas.



1

Pause and connect with them.

This is the step most parents forget, because it takes an extra minute (that you don’t have!), but it’s essential. Start by connecting to how your kids are feeling and why they aren’t following your instructions. This makes them feel understood, and they are much more likely to cooperate. Try saying:

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I know you feel sleepy and slow in the morning! It’s hard to put your clothes on when you’re so cozy. Maybe you don’t feel so hungry right now. You’d rather play than brush your teeth—I get it!



Dig deep and find your sense of humor, amid the chaos of backwards pants, messy hair and ticking clock. Take a deep breath and find a light tone or a joke. Say something random about how you’re all on the same baseball team and everyone needs to get their uniforms on and brush their teeth before the big game. It shifts the power dynamic and can make kids much more agreeable and less defensive.



2

Work as a team.

A common misconception many people have about kids is that they don’t like work. That they’re lazy or would rather not have responsibilities. This is untrue. Kids like to feel important, to collaborate, and to feel like important and capable members of the family.



[post_ads]That means they, and you, will feel better when they’re involved in setting up family protocols like dressing, packing backpacks, making breakfast, and so forth. Have a family meeting to talk about how the mornings go. Brainstorm every step and have one or all kids write down the steps or tasks that needs attention (getting dressed, eating breakfast, brushing teeth, sunscreen, and so forth). Organize these steps into charts for each child. Have your kids make these charts on their own, with your guidance, if they’re old enough. Make a chart for your own morning steps alongside them. Ask them how it feels in the mornings and whether the new routines are working for them.



3

Swap day tasks for night.

Late afternoon and early evening are often less rushed and stressful. Shift certain morning steps to the evening. Have everyone in the family lay out their clothes and pack their bags the night before. Take a shower or bath and brush hair at night. Put soccer cleats, instruments and water bottles by the front door. Make lunches together for the next day every evening. Put out easy-to-pack choices and let your kids fill their bags (if they’re old enough). Agree on a breakfast menu. In the mornings, instead of reminding and nagging, silently point them to their charts with a smile or a wiggle of your ear. Some kids like a place to check off each activity on their chart.

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We don’t recommend issuing punishments or threats (you can be much more effective without them), but don’t be afraid to let natural consequences happen. Generally, kids don’t like being late any more than we do, so if they have to walk into ballet class after it has started, or get a tardy pass from the main office because the bell has rung, it naturally motivates them to move more quickly the next time. If we shelter them from these natural consequence, we prevent that learning.


Getting out the door is something we do every single day. It sets the tone. With smart planning and coordination, it can be a ritual that we even look forward to, and starts us off on a high note.

See more at: Working Mother